Reconciliation is easy to talk about and brutal to live out.
We sit down with Church of God minister James DeGraffenreid to get honest about what happens when believers are hurt, churches split, and “unity” becomes a slogan instead of a practice. If you’ve ever asked why some conflicts never seem to heal, or why apologies feel rare, this conversation brings both scripture and plain talk to the table.
We start with definitions and go deeper than vibes.
James pulls from Noah Webster’s 1828 dictionary to show reconciliation as action: calling people back into union after estrangement, settling quarrels, and even accepting God’s providence in affliction. From there, we ground it in key Bible passages on Christian reconciliation, including Matthew 5:24 and 2 Corinthians 5, where we’re reminded that God reconciles us to Himself through Jesus Christ and then gives us the ministry of reconciliation. That framework changes how we approach church conflict, forgiveness, and accountability.
Then we tackle the question everyone feels but few say out loud: what if you want reconciliation and the other person doesn’t? We draw a clear line between forgiveness and reconciliation, talk about repentance, and discuss why restored relationship can’t be forced when someone refuses to humble themselves. We also address willful sin, 1 John 5, and the serious responsibility pastors carry, including how bad leadership can deepen division and create lasting church hurt.
If church experiences have wounded you and pulled you away from a close walk with God, we end with practical, hopeful counsel: seek the Lord with all your heart, return to prayer and the Word, and trust that the gospel works anywhere in the world. Subscribe for more conversations like this, share the episode with someone who needs healing, and leave a review telling us what reconciliation has looked like in your life.
It’s been one of those days, months, years. Nothing seemed to ease my plight. I did all the “go-to’s,” but I felt no relief. By and by, it came to me that a bit of encouragement was in need.
So to Hebrews 11, I fled. Reading about Noah, Abraham, Jacob, and Moses and their deliverance made me feel worse. My trials and crosses were still before me and ever-present. Day after day, the situations of life yet loomed.
1 Peter 4:19 records, “Wherefore let them that suffer according to the will of God commit the keeping of their souls to Him in well doing, as unto a faithful Creator.”
Our refuge is in Christ. Life is life, and because of all the intricate ins and outs of this journey, God knows, cares, and will see us through. Not only the Red Seas, the Walls of Jericho but day by day tedious, unnoticed, unthanked, unpleasant hours!
When the storms of life are raging, Tempests wild on sea and land, I’ll seek a place of refuge; In the shadow of God’s hand. Enemies may strive to injure, Satan all his arts employ; He will turn what seems to harm me Into everlasting joy.
He Will Hide Me by Mary E. Servoss
When we depend on God as our refuge, We can stand on His Promises. When we are faithful to Him and in His refuge, He will never allow too much. He’ll make a way of escape so that we can bear it while in it. You may have to stay in the fire, in the den of lions, on the job, in the marriage, but King Darius reported, “Lo I see four men loose, walking in the midst of the fire, and the form of the fourth is like the Son of God.”
Whatever happens in your life, your joy is made possible in the Lord! The example you present to the world that God’s grace is sufficient in every situation reflects God’s perfect plan. To please Him is Joy and the joy of the Lord is our strength. And His strength makes us Heroes!
Every family, church, and workplace has at least one relative, fellow worshipper, or co-worker who can’t seem to get their act together. The rest of us wonder how they miss the obvious every single time! It’s as though these people have to fall into every pothole in the street because it never occurred to them to go down a different road.
Has someone come to mind yet?
Common sense is good, but to navigate through life successfully, one needs the Wisdom of God! Not necessarily all the wisdom Solomon had, but all the wisdom you will need. We gather it from God when we ask for it.
Such insight causes me to think that most people are deceived into thinking they are wise already, therefore, leaning to their own understanding, which leads to those potholes each time. The Lord gives knowledge, understanding, and sound wisdom to the righteous. So those who are righteous, and ask, will get all they need right from God.
God’s word says wisdom is a gift from Him and written through the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. Those unfortunate people, thinking more highly of themselves refusing to ask for wisdom, perhaps will never see the light of reality. Holding fast to the wisdom and the precepts contained in the Bible will cause us to walk in the integrity of God; instead of gravitating toward those dreaded potholes. God will plant your feet on the straight and narrow road of wisdom.
My finite mind can’t begin to imagine the beauty and splendor of the Garden of Eden.
God said it was good!
The definition for good is: bountiful, fertile, free from injury or disease, pleasant, full. That was the Garden. Then was added the good couple, good occupation, good life, and personal relationship with the Creator. Once
God called Abram from his family and his nativity. He was promising to make Abram a great nation. Abram renamed Abraham, followed God, and became the great Nation. Time after time, God provided everything they ever needed through His divine power. He even parted the Red Sea, bringing them to the promised land. He was their God, and they were His people. Once.
In July 1620, some religious group, called Puritans, left for a brave new world. They desired to serve God without human-made rules and restrictions. That world evolved into who we are today—One Nation, (not) under God. Once.
But GOD…”For the grace of God, that bringeth salvation has appeared to all men, teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lust, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly in this present world.” With all its woes, this world, diseases, heartaches, and even deaths threat has been conquered in Jesus Christ and Him crucified.
The Holy Spirit was sent for our comfort, to seal us and give us wisdom and revelation of the knowledge of God. He’s given all for the perfection of His people. Once
So why are you where you are now? God, His love, and His plan have not changed. Every good and every perfect gift comes from the Father of lights, with Whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning. Once given to you, that great gift is priceless. You can call upon the Great “I AM” to repair what is lacking to bring you back to that personal relationship, the parting of your Red Sea, being His returned child, and the needed revelation of the knowledge of God. You can have your ONCE, again.
There is an adage that says, some things get better with time. In the food world, cheese increases in taste during the aging process. The breakdown of enzymes and microbes with a complex mix of amino and fatty acids transforms the cheese’s texture and intensifies the flavor. However, this process will not work without the correct timing, temperature, and technique if not managed.
Have you ever had food unchecked spoil in your refrigerator or cabinet passing the expiration date? Dairy products and raw meats, especially when not monitored or set at the right temperature, will rot. You will know it’s rancid by the awful smell or patches of mold and fuzzy bacteria growing on the surface. No one with good judgment will find these foods appetizing and consequently throw them out.
But did you realize that our human spirit can operate the same way? Life presents various challenges, but if checked and monitored in the Mighty Hands of God, He can use it for His glory. However, if we don’t cast our care upon Him, we hold these situations in our hearts where it ferments and becomes putrid – reeking of poison. Without the correct temperature, the Holy Spirit, to gauge these circumstances, your sweet savor or spirit becomes bitter and gross.
The Bible speaks of a man guilty of this current discussion. Jacob despitefully and cunningly stole Esau’s birthright. (Keep in mind, however, that Esau, through bribery, despised it in previous years – Genesis 25:34) Though time had passed and Esau had “supposedly” forgiven his brother (Genesis 33:4), he never did forget what he did.
Time has a way of changing things.
But in Esau’s case, he grew worse. He got bitter and rancid. Keep in mind that during their encounter, they exchanged no harsh words. No wars or battles with each other in their lifetime are recorded. Yet, Esau became bitter. So much so that he could not find space to repent though it was his heart’s desire.
Hebrews 12:
15 Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;
16 Lest there be any fornicator, or profane person, as Esau, who for one morsel of meat sold his birthright.
17 For ye know how that afterward, when he would have inherited the blessing, he was rejected: for he found no place of repentance, though he sought it carefully with tears.
In Scripture, we’re reminded to: Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. (Proverbs 4:23) God is familiar with our frail makeup and knows what we cannot handle. Life can hurt, but God can take those painful situations and turn them into glorious circumstances. He can exchange those curses into blessings, give beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness – Isaiah 61:3.
Only God can shield us from the hurt because He is a Defense and Shield. May God help us to cast all our care upon Him as he molds us to be the better person He designed us to be. If a man therefore purge himself from these, he shall be a vessel unto honour, sanctified, and meet for the master’s use, and prepared unto every good work. II Timothy 2:21
What resources can you offer for emotional or mental problems? The Bible is our first choice for all mental, physical, or sociological issues. However, for those who require adjunct support, the following could help:
My wife seems sad most times. Is she depressed? How can we tell?
